Caleb: That’s a nusty bee. It’s tumblin the flowers.
Caleb: Oh shoot! I gotta make a spider trap!
Caleb: Oh, cause it’s a mean spider. I got it! I killed it!
Me: How do you know it was a mean spider? It could have been a good spider that eats bugs.
Caleb: Ummm, I didn’t kill it–it just escaped…
Caleb: Mom! Come’ere quick! It’s so funny. I just peed in the garbage can!
Caleb: Wow, that rain sure did a number on the plants.
Caleb: She’s gonna get me a cupcake.
Me: Who is?
Caleb: Aunt Melissa. I don’t have any money, mom.
(Having a breakdown because none of his friends were home)
Caleb: Ohmygod! I don’t have any friends!
Caleb: Mama, I’m putting the spirograph down. Just calm yourself down and just be yourself.
(I overheard him talking to Isla)
Caleb: No, Chloe is my dog. Butters can be your dog, Walls.
Caleb: This is a terrible weed, mom. Stand back.
(Trying to get his wet swim trunks off)
Caleb: NOTHING IS SIMPLE!!!
Me: Put on your shoes so we can go outside.
Caleb: No, I’m not gonna wear my boots, I’m just gonna wear my feet.
Me; Caleb, did you eat your eggs?
Caleb: Well…it’s complicated.
Caleb: These are my cats Balden and Danell. They’re jump cats. Their names are Balden and Duwalden.
Me: Wait, what are their names?
Caleb: Balden and…Tronin.
Me: Are you sure?
Me: What were their names again?
Caleb: Balden and Brynanny.
Me: Hmm, that’s not what you first said. I forgot, what were their names?
Caleb: Ummm, Balden and Balcurnin. Balden is big. He’s black and white and blue and red. Pawnin is white and blue.
Caleb: My tummy is growling. That means I’m jealous.
(After seeing Ty mowed the lawn and wiped out the dandelions)
Caleb: OHMYGOSH! Daddy cut down the beautiful flowers! NOOO!
Caleb: Butters says ‘I like licking your hand’. Butters is interesting…
Caleb: Can we have chicken brownsticks for dinner (drumsticks)
Me: Yes, daddy is making them now and will cook them.
Caleb: Is that raw-ckin? Not chicken?
Tyler: Caleb, go wash your hands.
Caleb: You don’t say that to me (then to himself) before you wreck yourself!
Caleb: Mama, don’t count! You always do that and it’s NOT funny!
Caleb: Mama, you probably need to start exercising soon,
Caleb: Ohhh, because you need be healthy.
Caleb: Daddy makes all the rules. I mean you and Daddy make all the rules. Isla and me just make decisions.
Caleb: Geez, I was in your belly for a long time. And I grew and grew and grew.
Me: Do you know how you got out?
Me: Are you sure? I thought you knew?
Caleb: The mama’s belly kind of pushes the baby down, down, down the bagina. Oh my god that doesn’t even make sense!!!
Caleb: Mama, I’ll help you bang and screw in Isla’s room if you want.
Caleb: Did I use all my energy? Just kidding, I got lots of sleep.
Me: Gross Caleb, you just burped in my face!
Caleb: Haha, now you have burp in your eyes!
Caleb: She loves shapes because she’s so friendly and smart. Chloe is so jealous.
Caleb: Cows drink water. Why do they make milk? Does it drop out of their butts?
(Driving by a military convoy)
Caleb: Quick Mom! Shoot it!!!
Caleb: What’s a bra for? Is it so Sissy won’t bite your boobies?
(After Isla hit him)
Caleb: Iwah don’t hit me! You need to be nice; I’m the only brother you have!
(While going to the bathroom, Caleb burst in on me and yelled)
Caleb: Quick, I need to see if there is a penis in there!!!
(Peeking out at me from the closet)
Caleb: Can I play with my penis in the closet?
Me: What do you want to get Daddy for Christmas?
Caleb: I know! Let’s get him the biggest toilet in the whole wide world. Then he can make a lot of poops. We’re gonna have to get a big wall to nail it in place.
Caleb: Pho, pho, pho! I love Pho! I love Pho. But I also love candy bars.
Caleb: Mama, why are you wearing red blood on your lips?
Me: Do you want some bubble tea?
Caleb: No thanks. I’ve already had sugar today.
(Pointing at the sunset)
Caleb: Mommy, look! The sky was coloring!
(Looking at the cabbage rolls I made for dinner)
Caleb: No thanks. I want real food.