Me: What do you say to Mr. Michael? (the director of his school)
Caleb: Hi, Mr. Michael.
Me: What does Mr. Michael say?
Caleb: (deadpan) My name.
(A string was coming off of his shoe)
Caleb: Oh no! I need pliers!
Me: Caleb, you don’t need pliers to cut the string.
Caleb: I need saw!
Caleb: (After kissing my belly) There’s a girl in there!
Me: Caleb, what does the sun do?
Caleb: It makes plants grow, and trees grow, and cars grow, and doors close.
(Pulling up to the Starbucks drive-thru)
Caleb: I wanna say hi to lady. I say hi to lady!
(A man leans out to take my money)
Caleb: THAT NOT A LADY!!!
(We turned a corner in the car and the sun was right in his eyes)
Caleb: (screaming) I need goggles!!!
(“Sawing” Butters with his toy saw)
Caleb: Aww, Bubby. You want a drill? Yeah? OK, I go get it. (Growling) Saw, saw, saw, saw.
(Trying to fight bed time)
Caleb: (whining) Mommy, I need options!
Me: Caleb, what did you see in your sleep?
Caleb: I see baby sister cry in mommy’s belly.
Me: What were you doing in the bathroom?
Caleb: I play with Shelly.
Me: What was Shelly doing?
Caleb: Going potty and wash her hands like a big kid.
(Shelly is Caleb’s imaginary friend)
(Driving into our driveway Caleb spots Daddy’s work truck)
Caleb: Ohhh, there’s Daddy monster! (sings) Daddy monster, daddy monster, where are you. Here I am, here I am, how do you do?
(Pointing at the house alarm)
Caleb: Is that an alarm detector?
(After seeing a scorpion for the first time)
Caleb: What’s that!? A spider crab?
(Reading a book)
Me: Why is baby crying?
Caleb: Baby need to go sit on potty? Baby need medicine? Baby need to blow nose?
(Playing in the bath with a cup and his toy socket wrench)
Caleb: I makin’ Daddy-monster spaghetti. I makin’ Daddy deviled eggs and birthday cake. I make a candle! It yummy!
(Anytime he sees a toy or clothes that he thinks is for babies)
Caleb: This for when sister comes. You have to share. You have to be gentle.
(When Butters sleeps on the floor or growls)
Caleb: (giggles) Whoa, Bubby a hippo!
Tyler: Do you want some cake?
Caleb: I told you that already, Daddy– after dinner!
Me: Oh no, I missed Daddy’s call. Let’s call him back.
Caleb: Oh no! What is mommy going to say!?
Caleb: Daddy go to Home Depot to get tater-hots.
Caleb: I cry at doctor.
Me: What made you cry?
Caleb: I cry because doctor make me mad.
(Pointing at a big pine tree with pine cones on it)
Caleb: Whoa, that tree make a big poopoo!