Caleb Says…

8(After backing into Butters’ face with his naked butt he asks her)
Caleb: You want some Pirate Booty?

Me: What do you say to Mr. Michael? (the director of his school)
Caleb: Hi, Mr. Michael.
Me: What does Mr. Michael say?
Caleb: (deadpan) My name.

(A string was coming off of his shoe)
Caleb: Oh no! I need pliers!
Me: Caleb, you don’t need pliers to cut the string.
Caleb: I need saw!

Caleb: (After kissing my belly) There’s a girl in there!

Me: Caleb, what does the sun do?
Caleb: It makes plants grow, and trees grow, and cars grow, and doors close.

Me: What do you want to name your sister?
Caleb: My brodder!

(Pulling up to the Starbucks drive-thru)
Caleb: I wanna say hi to lady. I say hi to lady!
(A man leans out to take my money)

(While rubbing my belly he looks for my belly button [I think he thinks this is where the baby is])
Caleb: I wanna see baby sister!

(We turned a corner in the car and the sun was right in his eyes)
Caleb: (screaming) I need goggles!!!

(“Sawing” Butters with his toy saw)
Caleb: Aww, Bubby. You want a drill? Yeah? OK, I go get it. (Growling) Saw, saw, saw, saw.

(Trying to fight bed time)
Caleb: (whining) Mommy, I need options!

Me: Caleb, what did you see in your sleep?
Caleb: I see baby sister cry in mommy’s belly.

(Talking in his sleep)
Caleb: This one old. I need help! Help, help, help!

Me: What were you doing in the bathroom?
Caleb: I play with Shelly.
Me: What was Shelly doing?
Caleb: Going potty and wash her hands like a big kid.
(Shelly is Caleb’s imaginary friend)

(Driving into our driveway Caleb spots Daddy’s work truck)
Caleb: Ohhh, there’s Daddy monster! (sings) Daddy monster, daddy monster, where are you. Here I am, here I am, how do you do?

(Pointing at the house alarm)
Caleb: Is that an alarm detector?

(After seeing a scorpion for the first time)
Caleb: What’s that!? A spider crab?

Caleb: I want some ice cream!
Me: Caleb, it’s 9am. It’s too early.
Caleb: I want some pop corn!
Me: It’s to early.
Caleb: Or some cake!? Or some Popsicle!? Yay yay!  7

(Reading a book)
Me: Why is baby crying?
Caleb: Baby need to go sit on potty? Baby need medicine? Baby need to blow nose?

(Playing in the bath with a cup and his toy socket wrench)
Caleb: I makin’ Daddy-monster spaghetti. I makin’ Daddy deviled eggs and birthday cake. I make a candle! It yummy!

(Anytime he sees a toy or clothes that he thinks is for babies)
Caleb: This for when sister comes. You have to share. You have to be gentle.

(When Butters sleeps on the floor or growls)
Caleb: (giggles) Whoa, Bubby a hippo!

Me: I have to go to the bathroom.
Caleb: Mommy go poo poo! MOMMY MAKE A BIG ONE!
Me: No, mommy needs to pee.
Caleb: That’s a big pee poo! YILK!

Tyler: Do you want some cake?
Caleb: I told you that already, Daddy– after dinner!

Me: Oh no, I missed Daddy’s call. Let’s call him back.
Caleb: Oh no! What is mommy going to say!?

Caleb: Daddy go to Home Depot to get tater-hots.

(Putting the doppler on his chest)
Caleb: I Midwife Bev. I Megan checking baby heart.

Caleb: I cry at doctor.
Me: What made you cry?
Caleb: I cry because doctor make me mad.

(Pointing at a big pine tree with pine cones on it)
Caleb: Whoa, that tree make a big poopoo!

Caleb: Those are mommy’s boobies.
Me: Yes, and that is where your baby sister will get her milk from.
Caleb: Ohhh, and she wants Cheerios with her milk, too.

6 thoughts on “Caleb Says…

  1. Oh my gosh, first one. Pirate Booty. Hilarious. Kate also asks for “junk” first thing in the morning…usually by 6:30am. I love that he has an imaginary friend! Neither of the girls have or had a specific friend. Just lots of talking out loud play.

  2. Hahaha! Some of these are SO funny! He is clearly a smart kid, too – spider crab? It totally makes perfect sense based on the way it looks. Also, sounds like you’re going to need to strap a cold cereal dispenser to your chest.

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