I have less than a week left and then the crazy storm of my life calms down…at least a little bit.
- This quarter I am teaching 30 credits. Hello, 30 credits! Do you know what that is? It’s two full time teaching jobs. That’s 6 courses. It is bananas. I knew what I was getting into. I am doing it as a favor but also to boost my presence on one of our other campuses where I rarely ever work. I also knew that I could do it easier in my second trimester than in the third. It’s kicking my butt. How I keep up is a mystery to me. I am forgetful, I send the wrong assignments out, I forget to respond to emails, and I am so burned out I feel delirious in some classes and end up having conversations about things totally off topic (how sperm moves, the difference between male/female gynecologists, wiping the butt of a 2 year old, why I loved Ross Perot as a child, why breastfeeding in public is a mother’s right, and why videos of Parliament are so funny). I seriously cannot wait for this quarter to be over.
- I’m not sleeping well. It could be pregnancy related (my hips are killing me). It could be the toddler who comes into our bed every single night and rubs the mole on my neck until he’s asleep and I lay there (in my 10 inch sliver of bed) consistently shoving his hand away from me. It also doesn’t help that he wakes up early and wants me to rub his back, cover him up, give him his water, move the blankets, find out where Daddy is, determine if his monitor is beeping, find him a banana, turn on cartoons, let him watch me go pee, snuggle in bed, take him to the zoo…the list goes on. All of this happens before 6:45am.
- We really need to get Caleb back into his bed. I have been sleeping on the couch the second half of the night just so I can get some sleep. But it only lasts for so long since Butters does exactly the same thing as Caleb (minus rubbing my mole and asking for water). I try to get comfy and then she weasels her way between me and the back of the couch so that she is sprawled out right next to me with her face in my face deep breathing.
- I passed a blood clot two weeks ago. I used the bathroom, wiped and then saw a dime sized blood clot in the toilet. I freaked out. I could feel the baby moving and called my midwife and she assured me it was probably just part of my SCH making its way out and that I really needed to take it easy. Thankfully there was no more blood after that, but it really did scare me. I need to really concentrate on taking it easy.
- I applied for a full time teaching position and then got an email saying the position was closed until next year because they wanted a larger applicant pool. I felt defeated and taken advantage of. I work my butt of and my application should have stood out. I understand they want a lot of applicants but it was still a blow to my ego.
- Caleb is extra clingy lately and was having some potty training regression. His teachers at school noticed his mood change and talked to me about it. The potty training regression was upsetting because Caleb would just stand there and pee and say “oh no!”. Thankfully, I read about it. It HAS to do with the new baby. The baby isn’t even here! How the heck is he affected!? I was so naive to assume he would only be affected once the baby comes. He sees us going through baby clothes, he knows we talk about the baby in my belly, we talk to him about having a little sister, he repeatedly hears “mommy can’t hold you” and that he needs to be careful around my baby belly. He may not know what’s fully going on but it is clearly affecting him. I have noticed when he is really whiny and clingy if I ask him if he wants a hug or to snuggle it calms him down. Poor guy. He’s two. His world is about to change dramatically. Of course he sees something different is going on and is affected.
- I had to file a police report about a student, which then led to an investigation into the student. A student who has a criminal past who is going through some serious family issues said something to me as a joke that I had to report. I was scared and worried. I broke down bawling in front of my boss, had to file an incident report, spent the afternoon on the phone with the police, took a nap, was woken up by the campus safety director, and worried for 24 hrs that the student would freak out when he saw me. It’s such a long story so I will sum it up with this: that day I desperately needed a drink.
That’s why I’ve been MIA. Thankfully, I have a massage scheduled tomorrow. I need it. Also, Ty found this spider in our crawl space last week. I’m pretty sure we should be charging it rent.
Do you see that side profile!? It is huge!