“This Won’t Last”

Lately this has become my mantra of sorts. Not in the depressing slamthedoorandstormoutwithsnotrunningdownmyface sort of depressing like you feel with a failed relationship. But this has become my mantra when I find myself running or feeling overwhelmed or stressed out or tired or even just grumpy. Let me explain:

As I stood rocking Caleb to sleep tonight I caught myself thinking “I hope he doesn’t wake up as I lay him in his crib”. This is moment of high stress for me. Caleb isn’t a wonderful sleeper and usually we deal with what we call “the pop up” where he is asleep and we lay him in his crib only for him to pop up like he was never tired and the joke is on you. It is actually. We end up dealing with tears and if he wakes in the middle of the night (which he still does half of the time) we deal with the “pop up” a few times. It is exhausting. It is worse with me than with Tyler. For some reason he almost always “pops up” after I lay him down. His “mama radar” detects movement and he freaks out and I find myself hoping he will fall asleep. But here’s what happened: I laid Caleb down and he rolled over, cuddled his polar bear and went to sleep. He didn’t “pop up” like I was expecting him to. I was ecstatic and felt accomplished. (It really does make us feel accomplished when this happens).

But back to the point. As I was holding Caleb I realized “this won’t last”. He won’t “pop up” much longer. I won’t be able to rock him forever (though I will probably try), and he will not be this age forever. It won’t last. All of this will be precious memories in years to come. Time is moving faster than I can comprehend and what we have now will not last.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how much I want a sibling for Caleb. It’s something I think about a lot these days. We will not be a family of three five forever. This won’t last. Instead of thinking what will be in the future I need to focus more on what IS right now. This is such a wonderful age and while I know the toddler age is a huge stress for many people- I absolutely love it. Caleb won’t be a toddler forever. Toddler Caleb will not last. I can barely remember him as a newborn and that was less than two years ago. This little human rocks my world and while I cherish all of the wonderful moments with him- I need to also cherish all of the tough moments. The temper tantrums won’t last. Headbanging the floor/wall wont last. The silly giggles while running from the dogs wont last. The snuggles every. single. morning will not last. Who he is today is not who he was yesterday and I need to remember that and celebrate every aspect of him in our lives.

Since I’ve started thinking more and more about how much of this will not last it has made me more relaxed. I feel less stressed because while there is comfort in knowing a momentary fit wont last, I know to cherish ever last one of them because it will all be a memory in years to come.


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