The Head vs. The Heart

About three weeks ago I was presented with an amazing job opportunity. In short, I turned it down. Many of you know I teach college courses and I absolutely love my job. I love it so much I didn’t even take maternity leave, remember? Well, it took me two weeks to make a decision to fully turn down the position, but on the inside, I knew my response the second it was offered to me. No, thanks. It was most definitely a battle between the head and the heart…

I received a call one afternoon requesting I meet with the President of our college. I was scurred. I knew it was really good…or really bad. I actually had never had a conversation with our President; she is pretty darn busy. They scheduled the meeting one week out. You can imagine how s-l-o-w that week went by. Once I got into her office she spent 15 minutes telling me about a program I have not one clue about. In the end she basically said that she wanted to completely restructure a program, the hiring process had been unsuccessful, and she asked her assistant to pull each and every employee for her to look at for a potential match. She said when she got to my name, she knew she wanted to meet with me right away. Color me flattered. Lil’ ole’ me?

Because I have experience working administrative positions and working in eLearning (not to mention teaching) she thought I fit the bill. I really did. The trouble is? I didn’t want to fit the bill. I wanted her to offer me a tenure track teaching position. She offered me an admin position making 25k more than I make now. Who would turn that kind of money down? Me. I talked at length about it with Manfriend and he fully supported my decision either way. My head was saying “yes” to the money, the job security, the ability to advance in the college, and to work in a position I know I could really do well.

But my heart? It was saying “no”. Actually, it was saying “no, no, no, no”.

I was very open and honest in my response to the President. I told her I turned the job down because I love teaching and I actually enjoy going to work but the whole truth is that I turned the job down because of Caleb. I don’t want to work 12 hour days, go to work meetings, travel, and spend my nights checking emails. I’d rather spend my time giving snuggles, tickling, bathing, being barfed on and hanging with my special little guy. I also told her that since we plan on having another child, I know I would probably decide to spend a lengthy amount of time at home and that wouldn’t be fair to anyone. She was more than kind in her response and I feel a lot better now that the decision is made.

Here’s why: that same day I received a letter from one of the schools I work for saying what a great job I am doing. Just this week my supervisor came into my class to tell me how much he appreciates my work and later told one of our textbook publishers that I am a better teacher than he is (yeah, I know…crazy). In those moments I was sure my decision was the right one.

But still…we are planning a wedding and want to buy a home next year. The money really would be nice. I would have snatched it up a year ago but today, no thank you. I love my life. I love my job and that even though I have no job security I get to spend a lot of time at home with my family. All of the money in the world wouldn’t buy me time.

In the end, the heart won out. I sort of feel like it always should.

7 thoughts on “The Head vs. The Heart

  1. Way to follow your heart. Congrats on the opportunity, that’s gotta feel good!
    I just had a similar situation… 2 weeks ago I was offered an amazing position at a previous company I used to work for. My old boss resigned and said she wanted me to replace her. I know I would be great at it, but I declined due to the hours. I’m having a hard enough time thinking about going back to full-time next month, I can’t imagine 10 or 12 hours a day away from Leon. Some day I hope I can work from home so I don’t have this dilemma!

  2. Thank you. Isn’t it strange how some of these “opportunities” present themselves at the worst possible time? I hope going back to work full-time isn’t too stressful. Is Leon in daycare? Caleb REALLY loves daycare.

  3. And you were saying I was an idiot for turning down that therapist position in WA b/c it offered like $ 15, 000 over what the average is since I wanted to move to PA to start my docs! Now you know how I felt. Well, kind of, I guess your reason is a tiny bit more personal, but still, lady!

  4. Nope still no daycare. We’ve been on 3 wait lists forever. Our top place should be available next month and that’s when I go back to full time. Its gonna be rough, but I know daycare will be good for Leon. How long does Caleb go each day?

  5. Caleb goes 3-4 hours. Seeing the other kids really helped him develop his motor skills quickly. He loves it. When I don’t work this summer I am actually looking to put him in a play group so he gets the interaction each day. The super benefit: you will pick up an amazingly tired baby! The biggest downfall: The germs. Caleb has been sick non-stop because of the germ fest but it is good for their immune system. We got something Caleb brought home and good lord it was a doozy!

  6. I was looking into a play group, but everything I came up with here in town is in the mornings, and Daniel won’t have anything to do with that. 🙂 You would think he would wanna hang out with a bunch of mom’s and their kids. lol I bet the germs thing is tough. We had some friends visit with their 13 month old who gave all three of us the nastiest bug we’ve ever had. I warned Daniel, just wait till he’s in daycare, and school, we’ll never be able to escape!

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