Hot Mess

Hot Mess

This is my secret: I am one hot mess right now, emotionally. I haven’t broken down in front of anyone (minus Manfriend one time but that was something anyone would be a hot mess over) but I am definitely an emotional mess these days. I am not a “cryer” by any means and I tend to let things that would make most people upset not affect me or at least not show that they affect me.  Fortunately, I haven’t been emotional this whole pregnancy…until now.

Lately I have found that anytime someone talks about our baby or asks me about the impending delivery- I have to swallow back the tears. Am I sad about it? No. I honestly cannot explain it other than “so this is what pregnancy hormones do to you”. I could cry over anything. I mean it. Anything. I don’t know why and I don’t plan on trying to rationalize any of this because a lot of pregnancy is just plain irrational!

So now I catch myself sniveling over the silliest things. Of course I have always been emotional about dogs but if you just show me a picture of one, I might start bawling…and I have. Watching stupid shows- I cry. I mean really stupid shows. Reading books- I cry. Thinking about the baby and Manfriend- I cry. Just yesterday we met our friends’ new baby and holding her and seeing how busy they are with her made me very nervous. Afterward Manfriend and I went to lunch and I could tell I was about to have a blubberfest. Thankfully, I did not and I maintained my composure but it was close!

So for now, I feel a bit better letting out my little secret. Maybe I am a little too proud to admit this in person…but let’s face it- I would probably end up a blubbering mess just talking about it and my point is that I have been hiding this mess well for weeks! It makes me feel good that I can be a hot mess and then laugh at myself afterward. I have never cried without reason and this just feels awesome and silly all at once.

The one thing I can say is that I haven’t blown-up yet. I mean in that angry, rip off your face, “go batshit crazy over a misplaced utensil” way that a lot of people assume pregnant women do. (Some do, I just haven’t been there yet). I think Manfriend is thankful for that…but we still have time and I cannot make any promises.

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