These Dreams Part I
I normally have extremely vivid dreams but since this whole pregnancy thing I have been having the strangest dreams ever! I don’t want to forget some of these dreams, so I am starting a post about the dreams I have had during the first half of pregnancy. I’ll create another post of my dreams during the second half of pregnancy because I can only assume they will continue to be strange! The following are all dreams I have had weeks 3-20 of my pregnancy.
1. I went to the bathroom and peed out my baby. The baby was one of those Little People toys, only it was gray and looked like a little stone figure.(approx. 8 weeks pregnant)
2. I squeezed my stomach and could feel the baby in my hands. The baby was just under my skin and I could feel it’s legs and arms and was basically holding it in my hands. It felt like skin covering Barbie doll limbs. (approx. 11 weeks)
3. I was screaming at my my friend’s doctor who was forcing her to have surgery on her eyes while she was 28 weeks pregnant. He wanted to take her eyes out and cover them in spaghetti sauce. (approx. 15 weeks)
4. I had an affair with Jake Gyllenhaal. Manfriend didn’t exist in my dream but I was still thinking “I can’t cheat on my boyfriend in my dream!”. So Jake and I left. We then got jumped in the parking lot by 5 transvestites. (approx. 13 weeks)
5. In one dream, Robert Pattinson was my boyfriend. Nuff said.
6. A creepily large amount of sexual dreams, which I am not sharing here.
7. My sister and I pulled the Wicked Witch of the East’s legs out from under the house. Only this time, she was wearing purple and orange tights instead of red and white ones! We then trapped her in a room until Glenda the Good Witch could come and get her. We knew the Wicked Witch of the East was up to her tricks when she transformed herself into a purple and orange bird. I locked the bird in the bedroom until she could be taken away but the bird kept picking the lock and coming into the bathroom while I was trying to take a shower. (16 weeks)
8. Right before I found out I was pregnant, I dreamed I took a pregnancy test and peed all over myself. When I woke up, I knew I had to be pregnant. (approx. 3 weeks)
9. I gave birth to a boy on top of a doubledecker bus. I kept saying over and over again “it doesn’t hurt at all”! (3 weeks)
10. I was watching a program about polar bears and there was one stuck on a floating chunk of ice. The narrator said that the bear wouldn’t swim because it had a cut on its paw that was infected and it wold eventually starve to death. Somehow I swam up next to the polar bear and poured disinfectant on its wound. It was better and the polar bear followed me home. (I don’t know how). I was scared the polar bear would kill Chloe or Butters so I made sure they were never around the bear. I saw the polar bear outside chasing our cat, Maude! It never got her. I should also mention that the polar bear was wearing a red scarf the whole time. (16 weeks)
11. My first non-baby related scary dream. A blue demon/man thing was controlling cars (think Maximum Overdrive) and was making it so that people were dying all over the place. I got separated from manfriend and was running through a maze trying to escape. I saw a horse jump out of a window to escape the creepy blue thing. Thankfully I woke up soon after this. (16 weeks)
12. Dreams of my sister B. First was that she was pregnant and peed all over herself while taking the test. Second was that she was pregnant and would deliver right before New year’s Eve. Third was that she desperately wanted me to make her plain Malt-O-Meal and then put Hershey’s syrup in it! (10-16 weeks)
13. I was hanging out with the women from Sex and the City riding on horses. I can’t recall the rest but definitely something I would enjoy in real life! (17 weeks)
14. Worst dream ever! I found out manfriend was cheating on me and when I confronted him- he told me he didn’t care about me. Later that day he jumped out of a window and I ran to him to see if he was ok and when he opened his eyes he asked for… “Allison”! The other woman! (18 weeks)
15. We went in for the Anatomy ultrasound and when the technician scanned the genitalia, he exclaimed “that’s a HUGE penis!” (18 weeks)
16. I suddenly found out I had a 1 year old daughter. I had no recollection of giving birth or anything when The Kardashian family brought her to me! I was really upset that I didn’t know her or understand how The Kardashians had anything to do with it and was bummed that I couldn’t breastfeed her! (18 weeks)
17. I got to party in a limousine with Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley. It was literally the coolest dream ever getting to party with the ladies from AB FAB! Though Joanna Lumley looked like she was about 90 years old. (18 weeks)
18. My sister and I were playing real life Super Mario Kart. We were running an obstacle course and we had to break three blocks, run home, and enter our code into an alarm to see who won. I finished early and knew I had enough time to get home because my sister was busy buying a towel at a fancy department store. When I got home, she wasn’t there but my code wouldn’t enter correctly, so I lost. (20 weeks)
19. Manfriend and I were on a bunkbed that was the size of a house. On the bottom bunk was Manfriend’s grandma and she was hiding from us. She looked like the Cheshire Cat and she was smoking marijuana and blowing clouds of green smoke at us from below. It looked like cartoon stench clouds and she was giggling. (20 weeks)
20. A grocery store clerk invited a bunch of people to his house for a party and when we got there he tried to kill us all. We had to put on Halloween masks and try to escape. I didn’t have any shoes and I knew I needed shoes to escape so I strapped chicken bones to the bottom of my feet and tried to climb a tree. I couldn’t climb a tree and I felt bad for leaving everyone else behind so I ran off and found another person who was trying to escape. We thought we were almost free and then we saw the grocery store clerk driving up behind us in a truck. Thankfully I woke up there. (20 weeks)
21. I had to assemble a Transformers action figure from a truck into the robot in order to not be smashed. It was so difficult and the only thing I could do is turn the headlight into a hand. (20 weeks)
22. Manfriend and I were living in the 1940’s in an apartment. Every time we walked by the living room, the TV would cut out. I got mad at the landlord (who looked like Herman Munster) and told him I was calling the Better Business Bureau and turn in him for running a sweatshop. (20 weeks)